


The Melancholy of Cremisius Aclassi

by kingcaboodle



Series: Modern Ukes in Thedas [2]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Gen, Krem Can't Catch a Break, Light-Hearted, Modern Girl in Thedas, One Shot, Triple Drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-22
Updated: 2017-02-22
Packaged: 2018-09-26 06:12:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9871016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingcaboodle/pseuds/kingcaboodle
Summary: A one-shot from Of Templars and Travelers (look forward to more)! In which Krem can't seem to catch a break.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MossPrinx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MossPrinx/gifts).



“Kremit the Frog,” her breath is hot on the back of his neck, her fingers icy against his skin. “You wouldn’t happen to know where I left my,” her nose brushes against his ear, “precious froggy friend, would you?”

 

Something slimy drops down the back of his shirt, causing him to yelp and jump up from the bench. Krem flails wildly, gripping the hem of his shirt and jerking it roughly as she shrieks with delight from the floor behind him. A single frog drops from his back to the ground with a dull slap, and for a moment he and it share a look of understanding.

 

If anyone had told him just a few short weeks ago that he was to become the personal target for the Inquisitor herself, he wouldn’t have believed it. And this would’ve come at a time where he was willing to believe anything. A hole in the sky sealed by a glowing Dwarf who, just days later, was killed by the Blight itself. Krem had put up with the Chief’s wrath for weeks while they hiked through the mountains, had listened to his grumbling and bad impersonations while they got themselves set up at Skyhold. That’s when _they_ had arrived. Two prisoners being escorted from the dungeons, one the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. From the moment her dark, hooded eyes met his, her plump brown lips curling around the syllable of his name, Krem knew that he was in love.

 

But what he hadn’t counted on was being tormented by her closest companion.

 

Devi nudges him as he staggers back down into his seat, her wide grin plastered crookedly on her face. “Didn’t expect the frog-quisition, didja?” When he doesn’t answer, she hooks an arm around his neck and sighs deeply. “Ah, dear Krem Puff, so deep in thought. What is he thinking today? Is he dreaming of Charlie’s arms around his neck? Is he dreaming of a romantic getaway for two? Some time spent dancing at the Winter Palace, perhaps?” She gives another dreamy sigh, resting her cheek on the top of his head. “Or maybe he’s thinking of the weasel I found and hid somewhere inside of his quarters? The inner workings of his mind are certainly an enigma.”

 

* * *

 

 

As he makes his way back to the gardens, his face covered in fresh scratches, he spots the Templar sauntering down the battlements. Krem hardens his gaze, his fists clenched tightly at his sides. _Just ignore him, Krem. You won’t give him the satisfaction._

 

“Cowden was looking for you in the gardens.” But it is no use, and he feels the Templar’s heavy hand come down on his shoulder. “Not to worry, boy, I made sure she didn’t get too lonely.” He chuckles, his tone laden with innuendo.

 

Despite knowing that Charlie would never be unfaithful, and despite her claims that her ties to the Templar were completely platonic, Krem feels the twist of jealousy in his guts. “Very funny, Samson,” he mutters, jerking away from his touch. “What did you do? Bore her with another account of the Commander’s daily chore list?”

 

“Funny,” he cocks a brow. “Cowden seems to enjoy having me around. I’ve been told that it’s because of the foot rubs, something about her boyfriend not having the time to spend with her.” He clicks his tongue disapprovingly. “To think, Cowden is an Inquisitor and can’t even get in face time with a suitor.”

 

“It wasn’t,” Krem struggles to keep his composure, and he takes a shaky breath. “It isn’t my fault that Devi decided that today was the morning to _play_ together.”

 

He hears the hitch in Samson’s breath, the color rushing to his cheeks. “What, Aclassi,” he says, clearing his throat. “You can’t handle one little Genlock? Where is she? I’ll take her off of your hands for a few hours.” Samson attempts to act nonchalant, but there is a new interest in his tone. One marked with a distinct eagerness that always surfaced when the more _rowdy_ Inquisitor was involved.

 

“Hm,” Krem pretends to think about it, glad to finally have the upper hand. “I don’t know about that, Samson. Devi and I are scheduled to train together today. Two-handed combat and all.” He cocks his head, “You’re a shield man, aren’t you? So you probably wouldn’t want to join us.”

 

“Krem Bam Thank You Ma’am!” Devi’s voice echoes through the battlements, and Krem turns in time for her to leap into his arms. “Are you ready to get your hammer on?” When he sets her down, she starts dancing in spastic, jerking movements. “Stop! Hammer time!” She gives him another shrieking giggle, “Right? You guys remember that one? Whatever happened to him anyway?” She is lost in her own ramble, something that Krem had grown accustomed to in the time it had taken to become acquainted. Finally, Devi’s eyes snap into focus, and she blinks past Krem’s shoulder. “Oh! Samson! When did you get here? I heard Cullen’s really making you work for it today. If you get sleepy, Tiddies is always eager to have a napping buddy!”

 

“Devi,” Krem says sweetly, keeping an eye on Samson’s reddening face. “I told Samson that his input would be valuable during our training session.”

 

“Oo, that would be so much fun!” She says brightly, her head bobbing excitedly as she looks from one man to the other.

 

“That’s what I thought!” Krem sighs, “But unfortunately Samson said he won’t be able to join us today! Or during our next few sessions. Isn’t that a shame?”

 

Devi hums sympathetically. “It’s that bastard Cullen’s fault, I know.” Taking Krem’s hand, she pauses to place a gentle pat on Samson’s shoulder. “Cheer up, guy. You can join us some other time!”

 

The older man’s dumbfounded look is almost worth the broken rib he receives later that day.

 

* * *

 

 

“There are my two warriors!” Charlie’s voice is warmer than the mug she slides into his hands. “I heard about your rib. Were you keeping your left open again?” She presses her lips against his bruised temple. “You know that’s your weak spot.”

 

Devi clicks her tongue disapprovingly. “That’s what I told him, Charles, but he _refuses_ to listen to me.” Picking at the bread in her hands, she glances up, her eyes welling with tears. “Krem Cracker, sometimes I get the impression that you don’t like me. Even after I went out of my way to get you _two_ gifts today! To celebrate our,” she sniffles, “friendship!”

 

Krem watches as she collapses in a fit of sobs, burying her face into her arms. “Wh,” his mouth opens and closes, but he can’t manage to get the words out. “Frog weasel,” he blurts out lamely, shrinking under Charlie’s hardened gaze.   


“Now he’s calling me names!” Devi wails, boohooing into Charlie’s arms.

 

Charlie strokes her hair, her eyebrows knitting together in a deep frown. “Honestly, Krem,” she says sternly. “I thought we were over this.” When he tries to defend himself, she cuts him off. “I already told you that Devi’s not out to get you. She just wants to be your friend!”

 

As she coos comfortingly to her friend, Krem sees Devi throw him a smirk from over Charlie’s shoulder. “See?” he points, the mug flying out of his hand on clattering to the floor. “Look at her! She’s faking!”

 

“Maybe you should take a walk and clear your head.” Charlie says coolly. “I think that you’re a little more upset by today’s bout than you realize.”

 

As he steps out into the cool night air, he sees Samson heading up the stairs to the battlements. The two men exchange a knowing look before going their separate ways. Krem sighs and runs a hand through his hair. He would have better luck tomorrow.

 

 


End file.
